directed by Rob Marshall
starring Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush
It wasn't as bad as it could have been, I guess. Still, I couldn't help but feel that some of the life was missing from this one. The writers were the same, but the writing was inferior. The pacing wasn't as tight and the plot wasn't as convincing. The returning characters felt somehow dishonest; it was like the actors were imitating their former performances, not playing the characters. The new characters, meanwhile, simply didn't sell.
Penelope Cruz's character redeemed herself by not being desperately in love with Sparrow, but the love was still there, so that was somewhat annoying. At least his 'stirrings' remained mostly out-of-focus, lest she derail into full Mary Sue. Her she-pirate persona was...well, I was going to say interesting, but it wasn't. Cruz is a good actress, and she did a fine job, but there just wasn't much there. By the time she revealed her double-lie about being Blackbeard's daughter I didn't really care enough to keep track. (Not to mention, Jack's amazement at her 'lying by telling the truth' trick would have been better suited for a prequel, considering his masterfully entertaining execution of the same strategy in the first film.) I kind of liked that she was a former-almost-nun, at any rate. It was kind of amusing.
There were times that I laughed, and there were times that I was entertained, but most of these moments involved members of the original cast playing off relationships developed long ago. I kept expecting Will to appear in an alleyway or Norrington to wash up from some Royal ship. Mostly, I was wishing I was watching the first movie, or even the third.
I liked the pretty missionary boy as much as I needed to, I guess, but I was still overly amused by the ambiguity of his fate. His character was a sorry substitute for Orlando Bloom's. Also, the Jack-Sparrow-rejects-eternal-life plot was recycled from the most recent film (which itself borrowed a similar theme from the first,) and the final words of the movie were particularly grating. ("It's a pirate's life for me!" Really?) Oh, and while I'm venting, the Spanish dragged down the plot without introducing any substantial characters. Then again, maybe it was for the best that they kept the new characters to a minimum. Then again, I doubt they could have been worse than the missionary-mermaid couple.
Anyway - the film wasn't all bad, but the moments that were good just reminded me of earlier films. Angelica and Jack's swordfight? Will and Jack's from CotBP. Jack/Gibbs/Barbossa banter? Any of the first three, take your pick. Epic ship-to-ship/pirate-vs.-pirate combat? Oh, there wasn't really any. Sigh.
I tried to avoid being the They Changed It Now It Sucks person, but it's not that it sucked - it just wasn't nearly as good as the earlier films. It didn't even anger me or disappoint me. I'm pretty sure I'll just forget about it and go watch the original again - even if Disney won't forget the franchise, as long as Johnny Depp is around to insure those opening weekend totals.
Coming Soon: Charade, The Godfather Part II, Dial M for Murder, Hamlet
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